1. Signs from the Other Side: Fuzzy Flowers, Feathers & Fantastical Dreams

Intro:
There's nothing worse than sitting at a bar by yourself. Two seats away from me was an absolutely gorgeous, man, that I kind of looked at and went, no, I'm not ready. And I said, God, I can't stop looking at that guy up at the bar. And she said, well, if you don't go ask him to come over to the table than I will. And that was it. And we were together 16 years from that moment on.

I mean, this is crazy. This just it just it's something was just off and he's like, I don't feel good. So I gave him the phone. I said, if you start to feel worse, call 911. And when I came back, he was gone.

John's friends and family were all having these, you know, moments and these visits and these experiences, but I wasn't. Why how come everybody's getting this, you know, thing and I'm not? I went to sleep and what I thought was waking up, and I turned and looked and he was laying next to me and he was trying to talk. And I'm like, oh my God. I looked at him. I said, is it real?

Welcome to Next Realm. Beautiful stories from beyond. A show that explores the profound and heartwarming stories of individuals who have experienced messages from their departed loved ones. I'm your host, Amber Rasmussen, and today's guest is my very good friend and former neighbor, Sue. She'll share her experience with her husband after he unexpectedly passed away before Christmas. And we'll also hear about the striking coincidence just recently when another loved one crossed over.

Sue: I met John in 1996. I was living in California. I was engaged to another man. We moved back to Minneapolis and we'd only been there for about a week, and it was only about 2 or 3 weeks before the wedding, and he canceled it and said, you got to go,

Amber: oh my God, how did I know this part?

Sue: I know. So I'm like, what am I supposed to do now? And he's like, well, you can go back to California. And I'm like, no, I already left and I don't want to go back there. And my sister was newly divorced with the two year old, worked for Microsoft and, she was in Kirkland. And so I called her and I said, I need some place to go. And she said, well, you can sleep in my office and we'll figure something out just to get out of there. I left and stay with my sister. I had to wait for a couple of months before my furniture arrived. All my belongings had already packed up. that was in October, and the following January I decided, well, I better go back to school and brush up on my because I was a medical assistant, better brush up on my terminology and I can get a job.

I had enrolled in school, was working for Eddie Bauer, and my sister said, well, come on down to the roster, let's get together for a cocktail. I said, I got to go to work tomorrow. I really don't want to do this. I'm not in the mood. And this was the following January. And so I got to the bar early and I set up at the bar. There's nothing worse than sitting at a bar by yourself. We didn't have cell phones back then and she was super late. Two seats away from me was this absolutely gorgeous man that I kind of looked at and went, no, I'm not ready. And but he was super cute.

So she finally showed up and I said, we sat down at a table and it was her and her new boyfriend and his roommate, and I said, God, I can't stop looking at that guy up at the bar. And she said, well, if you don't go ask him to come over to the table than I will. And I was stuck. I had to then because she was going to do it. So I did, and I went over and I said, there's nothing worse than sitting here at the bar staring at the bottles on the wall. We're balancing your checkbook because you're alone. And he was eating dinner. He had just come from a trade show, so he was in a suit. And I said, do you want to join my sister and her boyfriend and his friend at our table? And he said, I thought you were with those people over there. And I said, no, I'm by myself. And I said, yeah, and that was it. And we were together 16 years from that moment on and it worked out perfect.

Amber: Oh my gosh, that is ballsy. I'm a big chicken, but I don't think I could do that.

Sue: Well, I wasn't going to do it, but then I was under the threat of my own sister. That was like, I'm going to do it if you don't. So I thought, well, I don't have a choice now. So and we all hit it off so well. And my sister was starting, wanted to start her own business and leave Microsoft. And so John was a software, had a degree in computer science, was doing construction. and she couldn't do anything about websites. And he's like, well, no, but I can figure it out like I know computers. And so they started a business together and. Yeah. And so John worked for Kim for ten years, which was sometimes difficult. But we got through it and, that's how it went down. It was perfect. It was absolutely perfect.

Amber: How would you describe him as a person? Like his personality, his just his vibe.

Sue: He was the most open minded, creative man that I had ever met. He was a guitarist. He was a writer. He took care of everybody else first. You know, if the power went out and he heard that somebody was stuck, then he was going to go help him. But I think it was his creative mind that attracted me the most. And he'd get up at 2:00 in the morning and he'd be typing away in the office. I'm like, what are you doing? He said, I just a song came to me and I got to get it down. Very talented.

And if he didn't know how to do something, he figured it out and he taught himself. So I was very attracted to that.

Amber: When did you guys get married? How long was it?

Sue: Oh, we dated for a year and got married the following year towards the towards the end of 1997.

Amber: Oh my gosh. And then what was your life like together? I know you guys like to boat, I remember that, but what was your life like together and what kinds of things did you do?

Sue: It worked out perfectly when we dated, because he could show me Washington and all the things that he fell in love with it. I mean, he came out here with his parents when he was 16 from Montana, a big skier, great outdoors, hiking, that type of thing. And he's like, there's such a beautiful world out here. You've got to see it and you've got to get out here on the water. And it's just amazing. So he he was the one that convinced me that this was the place that I needed to be, was here in Washington. And with him. We weren't married yet. He bought a small boat. we spent a lot of time in the San Juans.

And after we got married a few years down the road, we decided we needed a bigger boat. So we did that. So we spent most of our time out on the water.

Amber: What was your favorite memory? Was it? A, you know, a trip you took together. Was it, you know, something. Just have a favorite memory.

Sue: I Do. When I first met him, I thought, you know, you can have best friends, but they make the worst travel partners. And I thought, I cannot wait to travel with this guy, because I had been fortunate to be a little bit more worldly. I'd been to Europe before, a couple times, and because I have family there and I'm like, oh, we got to go. When he was working for my sister, they had the opportunity to create the website for Elton John. So John got to go live there for three months, and we went out before he started his work there on the website, I said, I'm going with you and we're going to take two weeks and go early and just travel around. And we did, and we didn't have any plans. We had maps that we couldn't read and we had the best time. Went to Paris, went to Amsterdam, Went to London. It was fantastic. And that's probably one of my fondest memories, was having that first big trip with him.

Amber: Oh. So fun. You know, it's funny that, like, I remember being in high school and, you know, you're so idealistic. Then, like, when I grow up, I'm going to do this, that and the other. And I vividly remember my best friend's mom saying, before you marry any man, you need to go to Europe and travel or backpack for like at least two weeks, and then you'll know if he's the right guy for you. If you can get through a trip, not being able to read the maps, not being able to speak the language, whatever it is true, you know it is right.

Sue: It is true. And we knew if we could do that. And then I had to leave him and come home thinking, okay, what's happening here? I'm leaving you. And it worked out. It worked out perfect. And so I knew that we were going to be able to do it.

Amber: Yeah. And wait. Okay, so what is this Elton John? He he worked on Elton John's website. Yeah. What? Yeah, that's pretty freaking cool.

Sue: Yeah. It was. That was a great experience. So I got to I got to go back a couple of times while he was living there. And so it was it was super fun.

Amber: Oh, I love that. So it sounds like you guys were kind of that quintessential perfect couple.

Sue: We were a really good match when we first met. We both were going through the same issue. I had been displaced. I didn't, you know, I'm like, the last thing I want to do is get in a relationship. He. And, you know, we were having miserable holidays. He had just broken up with his fiancee, in November. And so he was going through the same thing I was. And so when we met, we just decided we're going to be super open and honest and vent and get through these things that are still right on our shoulders without feeling, you know, people get jealous, and I don't want to hear about your past type thing. And we just talked it out and I think we really, that made it even more secure and a better relationship, knowing that we could problem solve our own individual issues and get through them together and like, oh my God, that really that happened to you too. And that's what made it work.

Amber: I'm guessing your family fell in love with him, too?

Sue: Yes. Everybody did. Everybody loved him. He was a good guy.

Amber: I know a lot of people don't talk about this, but your life plans. Did you ever talk about, like, what you wanted? I know you had gone through IVF like I have, so there was a moment where you wanted to have children together. But did you talk about the broader picture of in the future? This is what we want.

Sue: Not really, because we were so in the moment and we thought our lives had taken us through these horrible tornadoes. And let's just have fun. Let's just do stuff and have fun and enjoy the world. Go out looking for new things, and we'll land when we're ready to land. And so, and I was working for infertility specialists at the time when I was trying to get pregnant. So I had all the insights, and I was watching all these other couples going through all this drama and difficulties, trying to have babies and putting their houses up, you know, with second mortgage mortgages and this and that. And I just thought, I don't want to do that. Let's just if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. And then we'll figure it out from then on and get a dog.

Amber: That's that's a yes. Right. So that's why we did get a dog. It's funny because, you know, the listeners to this show, they don't know that. You know, I talked about it in a different podcast that I have that I also went through the IVF, and I had met you living in your neighborhood while I was going through that. And you kind of gave me hope because it did not work. And I remember just feeling so devastated, and I was watching you and you were so full of life, and you were just happy and content and just I'm like, okay, there is life after, like this devastation that I thought my whole world had ended at that time. But you just kind of this shining light.

Sue: If we try to make things happen, we get just as disappointed as we were hopeful. And, it's very difficult to get over that. So I just decided to live my life, you know, this is it is what it is. And you can do something with it. You know, you can wallow. and that's how I felt when he passed away. It's like I, you know, this is reality. So it's not denial. It's just that you have to figure it out. And so I was lucky that that I was a strong enough individual. There's a lot of people that don't have that inner strength. But with the great family support, both his and mine, you can pull yourself, out of it enough to get start making steps.

Amber: Yeah. It's just. Yeah. With a passing of a loved one or or having something other tragic happen, like the IVF or not having children. It's sometimes hard to understand why things happen, and to wrap your head around it and then realizing that it's it, it does kind of move the needle on personal growth somewhere down the line, you know what I mean?

Sue: And these are just things that happen to people, right? And we we met later in life, too. I was, 36. So we had that as well to think about. And he was 38.

Amber: So you have been together 15 years. And so he had passed when he was 54. It feels so young, right? Like I'm getting close to 50 at this point and I'm not ready to pass. And so I don't even have those conversations about what happens if I pass before you or vice versa. Did you guys have that conversation at all?

Sue: No. We finally realized we should probably create a will because we were traveling so much. And, that prompted us to start talking about it, but we never talked about what would you do or what would you do? but but creating a will was the first step. And after he passed, so many of my friends don't have wills because I'm fine. I'm only 50. I'm not going to, you know, have that issue. But it was really important. And thank God we had one. So we never you know, we never really talked about it. We're just day by day.

Amber: Did you feel like, you know, at that time. And we'll get into it in just a second. On how the events that led up to him passing. Did you feel like you were in both in good health and not anything to worry about?

Sue: We were. The kicker, though, was that John, was born with a heart murmur, and he came from a family of five and both of his older. And he was the baby both of his older brothers and his father that previous year had had heart issues, instead ended up having to have stents. Another brother ended up having to have stents, and then one brother had to have open heart surgery, and he was the healthiest of all of them. He was a marathon runner, no drinking, no smoking, total health nut. So John, that he passed away in December. That previous August he did a stress test because we were starting to get a little nervous, like, ah, stuff's running in your family. You should probably get checked. And so he did his stress test and it was fine. He was normal. But what he didn't do is have what we call the detest. And that's the where they inject dye to go see if you're blocked. And that's what had happened to the rest of his family. The rest of the mills and his family is that they were all blocked and John never checked, had was checked for blockage. And nobody does that. They just do a, you know, treadmill stress test and they're like, okay, your heart's fine, but it doesn't tell you if it's got any blockages.

Amber: Oh, wow. So it kind of gives you a false security that everything's okay.

Sue: Absolutely. Especially when it runs in the family. So I think if you have that stuff in your family, it's best to get checked. I did go to a funeral of a mutual friend of ours, and a man came up to me and he said, John saved my life. And I said, what are you talking about? He said, well, I wasn't feeling good. It was kind of tired. And they wanted to do a stress test. And he said, because of what happened to John, I said, no, I want a I think as an angiogram, I want the dye test. And they're like, well, it's not really necessary. It's like, no, I want it. And he was 98% blocked. So they're like, you can't even get off. You don't even get off the table. So that's super important.

Amber: Okay. So let's talk about the events leading up to his passing. So you tell me what you're comfortable with too. with anything. That's fine.

Sue: Okay. Good.

Amber: I was actually crying. Like reading it, like it got me sniffling. I'm such a baby though, too. But I was like, oh, my God. I was like, I kind of really try to rein myself in because I don't want to be snorting in the microphone.

Sue: I still have my moments, too, you know, every once in a while I'm just like, oh, well, I'll tell the story. And then in hindsight, it's it kind of starts to make sense of why he was like, he started acting really odd and having to get things done. So it was, the 22nd and my parents had flown up from California, and they were going to my sister's in Seattle, and then they were all going to come to my house here in Kirkland for Christmas Eve dinner. And then we were going to have Christmas Day at my sister's. John decided that he had to paint the ceiling in the kitchen. He had to buy all the groceries. And for, you know, two days later. So even, like lettuce, I'm like, why are you buying groceries now? This is ridiculous. They're not coming over for, you know, two more days. Raking the backyard feverishly. So why don't you just use the blower? And he's like, no, that gets it better. And so he was doing all these things that were just showing. It was like, why? You know what? It doesn't you don't need to paint the ceiling in the kitchen. he the night before, he replaced the dryer in the laundry room, and he went and purchased my parents and my sisters Christmas gifts himself, like, went to Chico's and got my mama jacket or shirt or something, and it all had to be selected by him. I mean, this is crazy. This just it just it's something was just off.

And so we got up that morning. I said, take a day off, stop worrying about this. And, we'll go have Mexican food. We had a his best friend and his wife come over to exchange gifts. And because we both had dogs. And so it was like doggy Christmas presents, we had taken a hot tub and then went over to the Mexican restaurant. Tracy Romano is over on 85th and had lunch. And then then the friends came over afterwards and he was in the backyard again. Raking and he's like, I don't feel good. And I said, well, you're doing all this yard work and we just ate Mexican food, so you probably have acid reflux. He's like, it hurts really bad. I said, well, why don't you just, you know, go lay down or, you know, sit up and just relax and I'll go get you some Pepcid.

I went back and checked on him before I left and he's like, it's really bad. I said, you know what? You need to go to the hospital. Something's not right. And absolutely no way he was going to go to the hospital. So I gave him the phone. I said, you start to feel worse. Call 911 and I was just going to run down or ride it. It told him, like when I walked out the door, I heard him say I should have had the dye test. And those were his last words that I heard.

And I kept going and something just told me to keep going because he was kind of mad at me at that point. It's like, just get to the store and get me some Pepcid, like get out of the house. So the whole driving down, it only took me ten minutes, and when I came back he was gone.

So I got home. I try to do call nine one, try to do CPR. I knew he was already gone and they showed up and that was kind of difficult because under the circumstances it was just me and him. And so I had lots of police interviews and they finally realized that, this was not my fault. I was able to call my sister, and my parents had just arrived at my sister's house when he died. And so he, I don't know, maybe he waited for them to show up so they could be here. So I called them and they came over and, I think the hardest. Well, besides losing him, another hard part was it was three days before Christmas. He was raised Catholic. And what did I need to do for him and for his parents when it came to his faith of what was appropriate? You can't find somebody to come to your house three days before Christmas. That's Catholic. I couldn't find a priest anywhere. No. Churches were like, nope, we're busy. Sorry. And so Kirkland Police Department was really kind and sent over their chaplain, but they couldn't do the proper things for him.

I had to call his friends that were just at our house three hours earlier, and they had left our house and gone to a bar to have a cocktail, and I had somebody call and say, tell him to get back here. So everybody got a chance to say goodbye. The neighbors, his friends, because he was here at the house for quite a few hours afterwards. So I think that there was a driving force within him that knew his time consciously. He didn't know it, but something was telling him to get all this stuff done. I feel very strongly about that. In hindsight, he was number one. He was a guitarist. Number two, he was a software engineer. Number three, he loved to do construction work. He loved driving his boat. I was in the medical field. He, And I was working for a prosthetic and orthotic company at the time, over at Harborview at the time. And I know that John would not have wanted to be compromised in any physical way and not be able to fully do the things that he wanted to do. So if he was having a stroke, he knew what was possible.

And John was raised Catholic. His mother was two steps away from being a nun. She was his teacher at Catholic school, very strong faith. And, John had a belief of. There is something out there. I don't know what it is. He really liked Einstein. He was very open minded and all that. And so he he did have a belief that you do go someplace, which was good. So that's how that went down.

Amber: Oh, I'm so sorry. I, I can imagine you're, like, numb for a little while. Did it was there like a delayed grief. Almost like I don't even know what's happening.

Sue: Well, everybody's got a different opinion. And people were trying to protect me, and they're like, you know, okay, here comes the coroner. Now they've got to bring in the gurney or not, the corner of the funeral home, because the police had asked me, do you have a funeral home picked out? And I looked at him and I said, no, who plans that? But my family was trying to protect me and go, okay, you know, why don't you go in the other room so you don't have to watch them take them away? And I said, no, absolutely not. I've got I've got to see this. It's got to be complete for me. Everybody left. My sister stayed. We shut the door. We're just gonna look to each other like, What's happening? What just happened? It was so surreal. It was just like, poof! And then they're gone.

Amber: How long before it really, I don't know, sunk in. Was there a moment? Was it a day? Two days, a couple of weeks? Like how long when you just were hit with grief?

Sue: I think it took a couple days because it was right around. It was at Christmas. So what do you do about Christmas? So here we go. Three days later, my parents are in town, so there was activity. You're not just sitting there by yourself. You're still you're still numb. And it it took a few days. I think it was probably, I don't know, 4 or 5 days later and I needed to go to the grocery store. And so I, my sister, I went to Safeway and I just got out of the car and I looked at her, I said, I don't even know what to buy. I'm not buying for two. I'm just buying for one person all of a sudden. So all those little things start clicking together, and then that grief kicks in, because the things that are normal, like, I don't need two yogurts, I only need one. That's not right. That's wrong. but I've I've faced it head on, and but I also had a good support system.

We couldn't really do anything because it's holidays. So you can't have a funeral. You can't have a cremation. You can't, you know, have, death certificates written up. The city of Kirkland's closed, you know, can't go anywhere. And so I just, hung out with my family and slowly eased into the grief. And my grief process was different than everybody else's. I bought a book, you know, of all the different stages, and I never got angry. And I think I just face it head on?

Amber: What was your upbringing? So he was Catholic, but how were you raised? I mean, did you believe. Were you Christian? Were you a different faith? Were you no. Faith.

Sue: Episcopalian? Yes. John and I quit going to church a long time ago. And I just don't believe in organized religion. And so we didn't go to church. If our parents, you know, if I went to my see my parents, yes, I go to church with them. And when his parents would come visit us, he'd go. but it was not something that he and I did. It didn't mean we didn't have our own belief systems in place, because we both did.

Amber: I don't know. I don't even know how to word the question because I never thought about it until it happened. But spirits goes paranormal. Anything along those lines, would you? Do you think that's garbage or. Yeah, I could buy into that or I don't even care. What was your where on the spectrum? Were you?

Sue: I was totally open to it because my mom always was. And my mom had quite a few funky things happen to her in her life with spirits. And she taught us that, you know. Yes. There's something else out there. We don't know what it is. We have to believe in ghosts and spirits. If you want to believe there's something else out there, there certainly is something else out there. And little signs from the afterlife are reminders that we're still connected to the people we love after they die.

Let's hear about some of the ways John communicated with Sue.

Sue: Christmas. Usually we all sat around, took turns opening presents. And so I just told my parents and my sister and my nephew and his girlfriend were here, and I said, okay, everybody just grab something from under the tree because the house was already decorated. You know, everybody's stuff was there. And and they said, just grab something and we'll just go. John had stuff stocked. He'd bought all the stocking stuffers and he'd already stuffed the stockings. So they were all in there, and they just legalized pot here. And my dad was totally against it. And so Christmas morning, dad goes and opens the stocking and he's like, what is this? And it was a pot grinder that John had bought and put it in his stocking like he got the lot. And we all started laughing hysterically. It's like he got the last word. This was so absolutely perfect. and then I opened my presents. I'm like, I got socks and gloves and a hat and all the things just to keep me warm and safe. I'm like, well, this kind of sucks.

I didn't get anything like, where's my big one? You know? And so now it's February. Social security gives you a small stipend when you don't have children. I got $153. Sorry. Check. And my girlfriends were here, and I'm like, you know, I've got this little teeny tiny calf skin underneath my coffee table. I really wanted a big cow rug, and that's what I wanted from him, was a cow rug. And I didn't get it. And my mom and I had gone through John had all our presence, my presence in our closet. Mom and I had gone through the closet, pulled everything out to put it under the tree, and I'm like, I was super bummed. So I ordered a big cow rug from 150 with my $153.

So in February it was time to do something with this close and the last thing. And he had some beautiful shirts and they weren't cheap. And I thought, I don't want to take him down to Value Village and have somebody standing on the side of the road begging for money. And John's $250 acid green, beautiful shirt. But I got to do something with these, and I was frustrated and I flung the shirts back and all of a sudden I saw this glimmer of gold and I thought, what the heck? And so I pulled him back farther. Now, meanwhile, my mother and I had been through this closet top to bottom, and there was a huge box, all wrapped gold ribbon on it and a big tag that said Moo! And I thought, oh no, you're kidding. I opened it up a giant cow rug. So now I'm like, I got two cat rugs. What am I going to do now?

But I hadn't I had gone through that. I we didn't see it. It was not there. My mom and I went through everything. It was not I mean, of course it was there, but we didn't see it. He hid it. Good.

John's friends and family were all having these, you know, moments in these visits and these experiences. But I wasn't a few weeks later and my sister was here, and we were out on my back deck on the steps and was in January, and we were smoking, and he hated smoking. And we're like, we're just going to chain smoke because we don't know what else to do with ourselves. And this huge, bright red hummingbird, which I don't have. Hummingbirds in my yard, came flying up to my sister and buzzed her right in the face for probably, oh, 2 to 3 seconds, which is really a long time. And then it flew over to me and went right in my face for 2 or 3 seconds and then flew off, and it gave her and I such huge chills. They were like, quick, put your cigarette out, just like we just stared at each other. I think that's true. Oh, my God, that was him. He was just yelling at us, you know?

Amber: That's so funny. Like. Oh, shit.

Sue: I know, it's like, all of a sudden we were panicked, like we were being watched. And it's like, okay. Yeah, you're right. Okay. We're done. We quit.

Amber: Question for you, though, because did you know because I had to do some research on hummingbirds and butterflies and dragonflies, things like that. Did you already know kind of the significant meaning of hummingbirds? Did you put it together or were you just like this all knowing of, like, that's him?

Sue: I hadn't really put it together. Of course, people were saying, you know, and you read things and you hear things and and I didn't pay a lot of attention to it, but, I knew that there were specific things like hummingbirds that are spiritual and crows and etc., but didn't take it too seriously at the moment because I was clouded with other thoughts until that happened. And it kind of surprised us. And then within the next few days, she and I were sitting out outside and all of a sudden Kim just took this huge breath and went, oh my God, there he is. There he is. I'm like, what? Where? Who? What? And shows you don't have those three big cedar trees in my backyard, because he's right there in the tree. I said, he's in the tree. I don't see anything because he's right. And she was pointing right at the tree. She goes, no, he is the tree. He's become the tree. And it we hadn't been drinking. So everything was normal just to make sure we all know. Yeah. We hadn't been drinking and, she just started bawling. She's like, oh, my God, he's just. He's right there. And then all of a sudden he was gone and I. And I didn't see it. So I was getting flustered that everybody was having these huge experiences. my mother called me up, and said that John had bought her a blouse with white birds on it, and mom called me up and she goes, okay, I just want don't freak out. I'm sitting in the car in front of the church. And they were they live down in the Monterrey area. And she goes, there's been a white feather circling my car.

For the last ten minutes straight, non-stop. And it's just. It's not right. It's super spiritual. John's mom felt him cooking. She was cooking and they used to cook a lot together. And so she called me and said she felt him in the in the kitchen. And then one of his best buddies called me bawling his head off. And which is odd for a guy. And he's like, I got to tell you this. I was sitting at my countertop in my house and I looked down and all of a sudden John appeared on his boat, driving by down the counter, waving at him. And so all these people were having all these wild things, and they were calling and telling me about it, but not me.

What? How come everybody is getting this, you know, thing and I'm not? And looking back, it's because I had things that I had to do. You know, maybe he was making sure I was could mow the lawn and take the garbage out and, you know, keep the house going and get myself reconnected with, with a new life. I went to sleep and what I thought was waking up, and I turned and looked and he was laying next to me and he was trying to talk, and I'm like, oh my God. I looked at him and I said, is it real? Just tell me, is it real? And he said, yes, I'll show you. But I need a glass of water, because John always had a glass of water next to it on the nightstand. I'm like, no, no, no, I've got one already. Don't. Don't move. Stay right where you are.

And he goes, here, look. And so he pointed over towards the ceiling by the window and the ceiling completely peeled back, and showed the universe and the galaxies and all the colors, things that you would see, like in the movies. And there was this big green light coming. Actually, a big green like laser beam came out from the corner and peeled back the ceiling. I'm just like, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. And I turned over. And then the next thing I notice, he's sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the bedroom door. I'm like, what are you doing? He had his ski clothes piled up under like down, navy blue down, ski clothes piled up underneath him. He was sitting cross-legged, and he was patting him down like it was his liftoff pad. He goes, I just want to tell you that I'm probably not going to see you for a very, very long time. But did you know there's 5000 different varieties of fuzzy flowers out here? And I just stared at him, and then he just took off and vanished. It was the wildest thing. And it was as real as it was real to me.

Amber: Yeah, that's exactly how I felt. I don't even know how to explain it other than when I came to. I was like, but that. But that was real. That was not a dream. That was that was real. And so it sounds like you went through that same like, wait, was it was that just a dream or was that real? Because it felt real in every sense.

Sue: It felt good because it was. I finally got I finally got my turn.

Amber: And what a cool experience that was to see the universe.

Sue: we had a very large we had a 32 foot boat up in the corner, and I had sat in the water all winter and I needed to sell it. So I was driving back and forth and, you know, it's about an hour and a half up there and trying to manage that and take everything out and then hire people to fix it. And it was very difficult to find anybody in that area to fix your boat, to get it on the market. And so I finally did, and it was in June, and I stopped by this little vintage lighting place in town on my way home because I had a big fat check. And so after I sold the boat and I thought, I'm going to buy myself a present, and because I hadn't done anything like that. So I walked in, paid way too much for two small little lamps and some custom paper shades. Brought them home that I was going up to see my. I was with my sister in the car and I said, well, I got, you know, I finally sold the boat and I got the cutest little bedroom lamps and they have these shades on them. I said, it's really weird. They're made out of paper and but they have these raised, like, fuzzy flower designs on them.

And I had to pull up beside the road. She's like, oh my God, what are you doing? And I just looked at her. I went, it's the fuzzy flowers. And so I got my present.

Amber: Oh my goodness. When you were buying them, did you even connect the dream with that or it was after the fact?

Sue: No. No, actually. And when I came home with the lamps, I walked in and I thought, what's wrong with the fence? And the whole back fence had fallen over. And so that was his way of telling me, okay, so you paid way too much for those little lamps, and now you got to fix the fence. So don't don't waste him. Don't waste our money anymore. So that was another sign.

Amber: Isn't it interesting? Like you pick up on these signs and there's no other explanation for it. It absolutely is connected to to that dream. Were you scared at all when it happened? Or were you just like, oh my God, just in awe? What was happening?

Sue: Oh, made me feel so good. It did.

I had another time where, I've got the lawn mower out for the first time. And I was my sister and I are both raised, you know, to take care of ourselves. And, you know, we weren't girly girls. And, you know, I was John's right hand man for every construction project and, you know, changing out spark plugs in a boat. And and we did everything to everything together. And so I was capable.

But now I had to mow the lawn. I couldn't get the lawnmower started. I went three trips at Home Depot with the manual, okay, filter and this and that, and it still wasn't working. All of a sudden you just have the overwhelming feeling. And I looked up to the sky and I said, and I was crying because I was so frustrated, like, I know I can do this, I just don't want to. He was supposed to do this, and all of a sudden I just looked up and I started laughing. I said, you've got to be kidding me. And it was out of gas. So. So I get these little, little things every once in a while.

Not so much anymore.

Amber: But what about the one in the garage like you moved a picture?

Sue: Oh, they had a poster. Yeah, because he had a garage band. And so there was posters stapled on every wall on every corner, and, you know, lights and this and that. And so I pulled a poster off and behind it in his handwriting is said, hi there. And I went to go replace the filter and the furnace and frustrated again, I know I can do this. You can do it. I don't know what size to get and gosh darn it, why am I having it? You know, I wish I didn't have to. That was my grease. Grief was frustration that it was I have to I have to do this myself. And I looked on this side, just kind of turn my head. And on the side of the furnace, he'd hand written in Sharpie the size of the furnace filter.

So those are my little. I got you back. And he's been doing that ever since. Ever since? Yes. Not as much anymore. But every once in a while something will happen and it's just a little support system.

Amber: Do you have any idea? Because yeah, we've noticed that too. With ourselves is like the signs come fast and furious for a while and then they kind of Peter off. Why do you think that is? Is it? They know that we're doing okay and they don't need we don't need as much hand-holding or like, you got this.

Sue: Yeah, I do, I do. I really think that I think that, you know, I'm going to I'm going to I'll be there to help you realize that you need gas in the lawnmower. but then once you figure it out, I will feel better knowing you can do it. And so they can they can move on.

Amber: Yeah. I know me and my sister had a conversation we were talking about after her experience. It was like, I want to do that again and again and again. I want him to keep coming back. I want to still have this communication. And I told my sister I was like, you know, the thing is, is like. I feel like he's leaving you be because you can't get on with your earth life. If you're still pining for him. He's on another plane. He's in a different realm now. And so if you're living just to communicate with him, you're not living your life here. And I think he wants you to.

Sue: I truly believe that. And John knew I was capable of everything, almost everything. We can't move forward if we're holding on so dearly. And I think we have to arrange those memories a certain way after these incidences.

Amber: And you're kind of chatting with all your friends and family and all the different experiences. Did you just tell anyone, because I came to you with my experience because I. I didn't even think about anyone thinking I was a weirdo for thinking this. But I talked to someone else. They're like, yeah, some people are not into the woo and they think you're crazy. And I remember calling my mom, going, please don't think I'm a weirdo, but something happened, like really crazy and I don't know. Did you feel comfortable just sharing with whoever? You know? This is my experience and yeah.

Sue: Yeah, I, I totally did, I totally did. And, and but I also thought, you know, with all the phone calls that I was getting of, okay, really that that happened to you? I don't think so. You know, I think you're just having going through your grief process. It wasn't real, you know, and I had those doubts myself. But at that point, it was because I had not had an experience to make me feel comfortable. I have no qualms sharing my stories whatsoever.

Amber: I love that, and I feel like sometimes, until it happens, you don't quite get it. And like you said, I even grapple with it sometimes too. Because of course the minute it happens, I'm googling and I'm trying to research like, what the heck is happening? And what does that mean? And, you know, not every single time a light flickers means it's a spirit. It could just mean you need to change a light bulb to, you know, and so I don't know, like. Are we supposed to have something be meaningful when it's just a light flickering?

Sue: And we want to associate with that, and we're trying to draw that in. I don't want to live my life that way. You know, if you show up, you show up.

Amber: Yeah. And the hummingbird thing to how I can explain it to people is like, just like you. You don't have hummingbirds in your yard normally. So therefore that is an out of the normal experience. So then of course, you're like, I think that was probably him when I was walking through. And I'm actually curious if you ever see dragonflies in your neighborhood, because the day that I was walking through your neighborhood, I was getting dive bombed by dragonflies, but I had never seen up until that point.

Sue: Yeah. No, I have, I have I do have them. It's very, very not very seldom. But every once in a while I do see one. Yes.

Amber: I think when you if you know you know, you know exactly. And I don't know how scrapper or how to prove it because a lot of the stuff you can't prove right, like I can't prove that that meant that that was the spirit or this or that, but it's like you just have this inner knowing when it does happen. And just like with your dream, you know, that was real. I knew what happened with me was real. And I'm sure some people just thought, no, Amber, it's a dream. That's all it was.

Sue: But I know differently, you know, I think in our in our daily lives, we're not seeking that. You know, we have other things that we have to do if we haven't lost somebody. And we're hoping for that some, some kind of connection. But I think losing someone close to you, it does cause you to be a little bit more open minded. Having that visit helped me to realize that the possibility of something else happening to our spirits after we die, it becomes more realistic to me and it makes me feel better. I think that's why they do come and give us these signs like, you got to carry on. You have to do what you came to this earth to do, and you got to keep moving forward. You can't stop because I'm not here. So I love

Amber: I love hearing the different stories too. They're so fun. Like, you get the fuzzy flowers, someone else gets this, like, you know,

Sue: we'll hang up and I'll probably think of a bunch of other stories,

Amber: but no, I love it. No, this is so good.

Sue: Anyone? Those are my biggies.

Amber: Those are some good ones, I love them.

Before we sign off, I had to share this extra special moment that happened after the recording of this podcast. Sue's mother passed away. And if you remember from earlier in the story, she received a sign from John that had to do with a feather. Well, after her mother's passing, the feather made an appearance again. Here's the social media post that Sue wrote explaining what happened.

Dear John, happy birthday. Well, I have to thank you for Christmas, the year that you left. You bought my mom a blouse with white birds on it, and after she went back home from helping me for a few weeks, she had this amazing moment in front of her church. She was parked in her car and watched a white feather swirl around for a good five minutes. She called me from her car and said that she had the most amazing visit from you a week before she passed. I watched a white feather slowly float down outside my kitchen window. It made me think, oh, this is a sign that you will have her soon. I could feel it today when we brought her ashes home. I looked down and there was a white feather on the living room floor in their house. Even though the doors were closed. So thank you. I love you both. Have fun and show her all the cool stuff that you have found. I hope this story brings comfort knowing that our loved ones are out there. Just really busy having a good time.

Incredible. What an amazing twist to the story and it sure did come full circle. In honor of John, if you feel inclined, please visit the link in the show notes to make a small donation to the American Heart Association. And please remember to get a dye test if you or someone you know may be suffering from heart disease. Take care friends, and we'll see you in the next episode.